My email to Bear Grylls

June 30, 2014

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From Harry to Bear Grylls
03 May 19:53 BST

Dear Bear Grylls, survival expert and star of Born Survivor, hi

My friend Walnut said you might be the guy who could help me survive growing up with my sister. Her name is Charlotte and she is like the human equivalent of a rattlesnake. Worse, maybe.

On your website it says you climbed Mount Everest when you were just 23 years old and it took you over 90 days of extreme weather and limited sleep and running out of oxygen deep inside the ‘death zone’, which is anywhere above 8,000 metres. Not in my house. The ‘death zone’ starts at the top of the stairs and includes the bathroom, where my sister has got all her make-up, and also her bedroom. If I go in those areas without her permission, I’m dead, which makes my life pretty impossible as you can imagine.

Then I read that you also had a sister, and that made me wonder – is that why you joined the SAS? Maybe if I specialised in combat survival, demolitions and unarmed combat my sister would think twice before spanking my ass when she’s mad. What do you think? I’m guessing I’m too young to join the SAS, but let’s say I joined the Scouts – could they teach me how to become a combat survival expert like you? Did your sister stop bullying you when you joined the SAS? If not, I’m gonna definitely have to make friends with Spencer and see if he can persuade her to emigrate to Australia.

Good luck and have fun. GBTM soon.

Harry Riddles