My email to Charley

July 28, 2014



From Harry to Charley

Hi Cuz –

Well, it’s official. Me and Ed Bigstock are now  definitely sworn enemies.

You remember I told you Ed said to Walnut that I was like his SLAVE at school? Well, we had this big Latin test and Mr Morton asks Ed to write on the whiteboard the Latin translation for MY SLAVE CARRIES SPEARS. Easy stuff. For normal kids. Not Ed. In fact, I doubt he could even spell that sentence in English. So Mr Morton goes to the bathroom and Ed’s like panicking cos he’s already on two strikes with Mr Morton, so he begs me to help him out and I think, OK. Payback time. So I slip him this piece of paper and he looks at it and he says, “Are you sure this is it, Harry?” And I’m like, “Yeah, Ed – that’s what it is. Just write it up.” So Mr Morton comes back in the room and Ed goes up to the whiteboard and he writes in big letters, SERVI KICKUS BUTTUS. Slaves kick butt. HA!

Well, when everybody had stopped laughing, Mr Morton gave Ed a detention for being the class clown and then gave me one too, cos Ed snitched on me. But you know what? It was worth it. Jessica came up to me after class and said what a shame it was that Ed was doing the school play, not me. Then we could practise our lines together, cos he’s not taking the play very seriously and hasn’t even LEARNED ’em! I told her acting’s not really my thing, but you know what? Maybe it should be.

She said, “Why don’t I tell Mr Forbes you will be Ed’s understudy because I know you know all the lines. You prompt Ed enough.” So I say, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m not really the acting type.” Then she says, “How do you know you’re not?” “Well,” I say, “I like gaming.” She says, “You should think about it, Harry.” So I said I would. And I have. Acting sucks. But then I thought maybe I should take your advice and try and get out more. So I said to Jessica, “OK, I’ll give it a try,” and she said, “Great!” But then Ed found out and I don’t think he liked having any competition, so he said to me, “You’ll regret doing this, Harry. You mark my words, geek.” What does THAT mean?