My email to Harry Styles

May 30, 2014

Spencer at the Piano


From Harry to Harry Styles
Subject: My sister

Harry Styles of One Direction, hi
First off, I know you’re in the biggest boy band on the planet and I bet you get a LOT of girls writing to you wanting your autograph and stuff, but you’re probably the only guy apart from R-Patz, who can help me stop my sister dating Spencer, who is, no offence, an idiot.

Like you, Spencer is a musician. He works in the music department at my school, but I don’t know how he got that job cos he really sucks at playing the piano. My dad calls him the Living Dead, or LD, cos he never talks, he just grins. Even when he’s messing everything up, Spencer’s always grinning.

Take last week. We had this school singing competition and Ed Bigstock was trying to impress all the girls with his fake, warbly, deep voice by singing that English rugby song, ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’, but Spencer kept messing with the tempo on the piano, which made Ed sing it slow, then fast, then slow again. It was really funny, but Ed got so mad he nearly rugby tackled Spencer. My sister thought Spencer had done it on purpose, so she was pleased because she likes bad boys. But I think if there was a choice between you and Spencer, she’d definitely go for you, cos you can probably afford to fill up your own car with petrol and he can’t. Plus, if you liked her, maybe you could take her on your world tour for like the next two years? Will you think about it? Great! Thanks a lot!

BTW – you probably want to know if my sister is good-looking. My mum says she’s better looking than ANY girl in the whole of Cornwall. But my mum also says I play football like Lionel Messi, so either my mum needs glasses or she’s a good liar. So GBTM soon and if Ed Bigstock ever says your band SUCKS again, I will tell him you guys definitely don’t suck – unless you don’t write back. In which case, I’ll just let him say what he wants.

Good luck and have fun.

Harry Riddles